How to Find Your Birth Parents

One of the most exciting but also terrifying moments of an adopted adult’s life is meeting their birth parents. The process to get to that moment can be tricky and stressful but using this guide on how to find birth parents; it should be much easier to navigate.

Doing a Background Check

The best place to start when searching for birth parents is gathering together as much information as you can about them. You will need first and last names along with birth dates so you can do a full background check. Your adoptive parents should have basic information about who your birth parents were and possibly even more details. You can then use the Internet to gather the rest of the information and decide if meeting them and forming a relationship is the next step you want to take.

In some cases, parents give up children to give them a better future. However, in other cases, they are forced to give up their kids because they go to jail or lost custody. These are things you want to know before you decide to pursue the search or not. A background check will tell you a lot about a person including any criminal history, marriages, and divorces plus a lot of other interesting details.

Available Databases

The Internet is full of helpful search portals that allow the general public and private users to search for someone and find out the truth about them.

There are also reunion databases available for adoptees to use to find their birth parents. Most require registration, and you will need to provide some information to get started.

Hiring a Professional

If you start the process and run into a wall or maybe you don’t feel qualified or emotionally equipped to search yourself, you can always hire a professional. Some lawyers specialize in finding birth parents. You can also hire a private detective or other agency that works to reunite families. Professionals may be licensed or unlicensed but check their credentials before handing over any money to be sure they are successful and skilled at finding birth parents.

The choice is yours whether or not you want to pursue a search yourself or hire someone to find your birth parents for you.

The Steps to Finding Your Birth Parents

Finding and reuniting with your birth family might be the most rewarding experience of your life. Most adopted children spend a lot of time wondering about their birth parents and have a lot of questions. If you decide to find your birth parents, it will afford you the opportunity to get answers to those questions. Each adoptee has different reasons for wanting to find their family of origin, but the result and the process will be the same.

Step 1 - Gather all the Information Necessary

Gather as much information as you can from your adopted parents, the adoption agency or an online background check.

Step 2 - Search Online and Perform a Background Check

With the limited information you have, use a search portal that has access to thousands of public records to see if you can fill in any of the blanks for who your birth parents are.

Step 3 - Contact the Original Adoption Agency

The original adoption agency that handled your adoption is also a great source of information. They may be able to give you your original files and a copy of your birth certificate.

Step 4 - Join Online Resources and Reunion Databases

There are dozens of online reunion databases where birth parents and adopted children can sign up and connect with each other. Both parties must be connected on the same database, so it’s not guaranteed that you will find your parents through this method.

Step 5 - Get a Copy of Your Birth Certificate

Contact your town hall to get a copy of your birth certificate. This document should give you at least your parent's names, dates of birth and where they were born.

Step 6 - Inform State Registries You Want Your Birth Parents to Find You

Each state has an adoption registry where both parents and adopted children can register their consent for a reunion. Some state registries require a small fee to join.

Step 7 - Use Genealogical Databases to Find Your Birth Parents

You can sometimes use the information you have to sign up for and use a genealogical database to trace back your ancestry and find your parents, grandparents and other family members.

Step 8 - Use Social Media and Ask for Help

Social media is a great way to connect with people and ask for help. If you have a good-sized fan base ask your friends to help you find your birth family. Social media websites are powerful search tools and just using the built-in resources you might search and find them right there.

Step 9 - Connect With Your Parents

So you’ve done the work, you have located your parents and now it’s time to connect with them. How do you do it? Should you call, show up in person or write them a letter? Since this can be an emotional time for all parties involved, it is best to email or call first to break the news and see if they want to meet. If the call or email is well received then set up a time and place to meet.

Step 10 - Prepare to Contact/Visit Them

Due to the sensitive nature of adoption, your ideal meeting may not go as planned. Prepare yourself for any type of reunion. It may be too much for your birth parents, and you may feel rejection. Prepare a list of easy questions to start with; you can always ask the more serious ones later. Keep things light during the first meeting and see how it goes. Just reaching out and finding them took courage and be sure to pat yourself on the back for following it all the way through and getting to this point, no matter what happens.