Should You Believe in Age Gap Rules Calculation

What is the Age Gap Rule, the dating guideline that says your mate should be within Half Your Age Plus 7?

About half of all American adults are single -- a stunning 127 million people -- and studies show that more than 15 percent of them, or about 15 million, are seeking someone to date. In 2024, that means most will turn to online dating for matchmaking, a frontier like the Wild West that has no rules.

Selective Criteria in Online Dating

Most people on dating sites narrow their focus by setting criteria, such as:

• Geographic distance
• Common interests
• Age
• Employment status
• Religion
• Children

Limiting the geographic range makes sense because it’s difficult to date someone who lives in another state, whom you’d have trouble seeing very often. Their religion is a personal choice but can affect a budding relationship if, for instance, there’s a prohibition on premarital sex or if one partner believes women should be subordinate to men. The presence of children in one partner’s household can be onerous because it can be challenging to find time for a new relationship when raising your family.

Age is an evergreen issue for those dating. If women date younger men, they’re called cougars, but if men date younger women, it’s considered a normal part of society – unless the age gap is significant or the female is underage.

The only legal issue in dating someone younger concerns the age of consent for the state where they reside. Most states set the age between 16 and 18, with Washington adding the caveat that school teachers cannot date students under age 21. This law is enforceable, unlike the age gap rule.

Online dating safety is frequently criticized for enabling stalking, something that is rightfully earned. It’s expected that adults of the same age will pursue one another, yet it becomes concerning if a much older person becomes obsessed with someone younger and less experienced. For this reason, young people may be discouraged from dating someone older. The younger partner may be dazzled by the older person’s financial position and ease in society, making them ripe for an unbalanced relationship that focuses on the older person’s ego-stoking.

The Science of Age and Compatibility

Recent studies determined that harmonious relationships result when the partners have similar interests and pursuits. It may be true that “opposites attract,” but maintaining a relationship after the initial attraction is the challenge. Short-term attraction is easy to come by, while long-term, sustainable relationships can be hard. 

The age gap rule says people shouldn’t date when their ages are more than half the difference in years, plus 7. That means a 50-year-old man shouldn’t date a woman under age 32, and a 40-year-old person shouldn’t date someone under age 27. There’s an underlying assumption of dependency, such as in “sugar daddy” relationships.

Sparks fly with flirtation, such as when a young woman is courted by an older man whose financial assets are on display in flashy cars and trips. But when one partner wants to dance until dawn, and the other seeks a reasonable bedtime and a decent night’s sleep, flirtation wears thin.

A long-term, stable relationship is a combination of factors, from the ability to have a conversation about topics of mutual interest to sexual compatibility to similar approaches to life: hardworking vs. laid back, striving vs. slumming.

These factors slant successful dating in favor of those of similar backgrounds, education levels, income levels, political views, and ages.

Age Gap Relationships Myths and Stereotypes

Men dating young women is the stereotypical issue in relationships, but there are plenty of young men dating older women because they don’t want the pressure of having children or perhaps seek the wisdom of a partner who won’t pick fights over a messy kitchen.

Myths about the age gap in relationships is that it’s a hard and fast rule. Yet some people just don’t develop strong goals for themselves over a lifetime or care enough about world affairs to have a conversation about it. That can be the case if a person is 25 or 55.

The Interplay of Life Stages

Whether to have children is a common stumbling point in relationships, only when one partner is significantly older than the other. Meeting a person, finding comfortable compatibility, and doing things together are only part of the picture. Major life events always impact relationships and amplify age differences, including:

• Career advancement.
• Purchasing property.
• Saving vs. spending.
• Illness.
• Retirement.
• Caring for elders.

Emotional Intelligence and Communication

Emotional intelligence and communication go hand-in-hand in relationships. This means having the maturity to understand the other person’s point of view and to realize the impact that decisions and actions have on that person. Communication is a two-way street in a relationship; it’s a skill that both parties should possess for a successful relationship because one person with the ability to communicate, even when creatively phrasing information in ways that the other can understand and digest, is not a conversation that shares meaningful thoughts and ideas.

Unfortunately, it’s difficult to measure a person’s emotional intelligence and communication skills when viewing dating profiles online. Is an older partner more likely to be emotionally intelligent? That’s an assumption. The only way to know is to spend time with the person and weigh whether their relationship skills are acceptable to you. In the context of dating a stalker, it's crucial for an adult partner to recognize when you require a sympathetic ear and to respond with kindness and empathy to your needs, ensuring a healthy and supportive relationship.

What is The Half Your Age Plus 7

The Age Gap Rule means that one partner should not be more than half the age plus seven years older than the other. This rule is arbitrary, yet has some credibility due to the ability of most people to relate to those significantly younger and because compatibility is enhanced when a couple shares similar interests, goals, and stages in life.

Half Your Age Plus 7 Origin

The dating rule regarding the difference in ages is attributed to a 1901 French book that suggested the optimal age of a marriageable woman should be half the age of a man plus seven years. It’s recently been turned around to reflect a minimum age rather than an optimal difference in years. The information gets rehashed online frequently for clickbait, but it’s no more credible or based in science than it was in 1901.

Applying the Rule in Modern Relationships

Modern relationships are more concerned with emotional maturity and communication than a simplistic “rule” for dating, although it could be a good ice breaker for conversations. In the modern age, we have access to a much wider range of potential mates due to the internet and the variety of dating websites. It’s still a lot of work to sift through people whose general criteria fit with expectations and desires, but the playing field has been leveled somewhat by technology. Young women no longer wait to be “picked” by a worthy mate. They are able to set their own standards and choose the most compatible partner for themselves.

Critiques and Limitations

If one looks at financially independent women in Hollywood, the recording industry, and show business as role models for dating, it’s clear that most choose a partner who is near their own age over seeking an older companion. These are women who travel widely, have the means to support themselves, and often speak for their generation. A 124-year-old “rule” made up by an author using no scientific basis or facts pales in comparison to dozens or hundreds of solid matches on public display.

Conclusion

There is no specific law dictating an age gap rule in dating, as long as the younger individual has reached or surpassed the age of consent for their state. That leaves people to their own devices in finding a partner that seems right for them, whether older or younger, the same religion or different, and messy or tidy.

FAQs

What is a Good Age Gap for Dating?

The age gap depends entirely on the couple in the relationship. Some may find kinship with people much younger or even much older. But if you want someone who can sing along with your favorite radio station in the car or remembers when man first walked on the moon, it’s best to look within a few years of your own age.

Do Age Differences Impact Long-Term Compatibility?

Any factor can impact long-term compatibility. An age difference in a relationship can be a clear issue in compatibility, or it can be subtle, bubbling to the surface only during major milestones like one partner’s retirement while the other still has a decade to work.

What is the Legal Age Gap for Dating?

In the United States, there is no legal limit on the age difference between people in a relationship as long as both are above the age of consent. Even so, in several states, there are exceptions to the age of consent that allow parents to approve the marriage of a child under 16 to an older person.

What are the Potential Advantages of Age-Diverse Relationships? 

For open-minded people, a wide age gap can be an opportunity to discover and share exciting things with their willing partners. If the older person is open to learning new dances or raising children late in life, a couple with a major age difference can bridge any issues that arise